I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
