my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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