And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
