Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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