just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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