I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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