you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
