dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
