I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
