I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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