just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
