After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
