she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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