Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
