I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
