Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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