No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
