All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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