Don't make out with my wife yet
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
