Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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