brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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