Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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