being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
