The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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