there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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