i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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