Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
