You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
