I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
