Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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