guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
