Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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