how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
