Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
