So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
