I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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