i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
