oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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