No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
