You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
