And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
