Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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