White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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