People in love make me want to vomit
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He shit in the fireplace
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize