Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
