This girl is more easily done than said...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
