is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize