u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
