He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
