hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
