I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
