Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
