The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
