my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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