He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
