Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
