If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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