I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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