hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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