The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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