1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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