Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
