apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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