Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
