my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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