On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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