'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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