I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
