I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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