You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
